Unsync of Brain and Heart

follow your heart“Follow your heart,” most people would say when I share my dreams and frustrations. The human heart is such a delicate and vital organ that we cannot live without. And it governs our lives from the moment it composes its first beat. Unlike the mainstream culture, especially in the Asian culture, I do tend to follow my heart most of the time and choose the roads less traveled. Lately, I kept hearing myself share a part of my past when a simple material comfort was a luxury. It was a time of homelessness, in between jobs and being frugal at every meal. Yet, looking back, that was the most motivating and fulfilling part of my life. It struck me that I’ve been longing for that passion towards life where I lived every day to the fullest and looked forward to what tomorrow will bring. It was a time full of hopes and missions. A time when I followed my heart but somehow left it behind on my way to the conventional success.

Maybe it’s just me. But it seems the more I have, the less content I am and vice versa. This is probably due to that thing we call “greed.” It’s been several years since I had to worry about my next meal. And it has been similar number of years that I feel passionless. There are still many things I’d like to do and places I’d like to explore, though. But as I get older, my brain seems to take over the operation while the heart gets demoted to an assistant position.  Maybe this is my heart’s protest; its asking for attention. There’s an urge I cannot explain. An unstoppable urge to change how I live my current life. But what do I change it into? The brain decides to go on a strike when I pay more attention to the heart. Would they ever sync and work together again like the good old days? Which do I listen to when they don’t agree with each other?

bring your brain

Advertisements

Fear or Pessimism

dandelions

Lately, I’m been haunted by a new business idea a potential business partner proposed. We’ve been talking about working together for many years, and have tried out some projects. I must admit that I haven’t been the most consistent partner and constantly got distracted because I was afraid. As expected, almost all my friends suggested me against this new business proposal which cost more and is riskier on my part, based on my current conditions. Yet, like many other new ideas, I can’t help but think about the possibilities and opportunities behind the realistic stress and uncertainty.

Some say I’m pessimistic as I tend to see the worst outcome first. However, I do not deny possibilities and would usually take actions to test my theories if I can’t seem to turn my brain off the matter. Perhaps it’s my lack of persistence, poor skills or bad calculation. Looking back, it seems as if I tend to act out of impulse than reason most of the time. For a society that makes judgement based on outcomes, I do seem like a fool if I were to go into a business.

For the longest time, I try to make sense of the kind of life I want. The image is clearer and clearer each day. I can now list my strengths and weaknesses without having to think long. And I can now better describe the kind of lifestyle I long for, compared to just one year ago. This new business proposal haunts me because it somehow matches my dream to host travelers. The fear of failure and challenges it will follow; however, keeps my from moving forward.

Yes, I know it takes a lot of efforts and perseverance to start and run a business. And that wouldn’t be a problem if I’m doing something I love.

No, I don’t want to make a decision out of impulse or a mere desire to escape where I don’t want to be. Neither do I want to trap myself in debts before figuring out a way to generate reoccurring income.

Yes, this idea might get me where I want to be and even fulfill my dream.

No, I don’t want to run away from it simply because I’m afraid of failing and pressure.

Yes, I agree it is wise to take calculated risk and not make an impulsive move that might result in a lifelong consequence.

No, I don’t want to give in to physical comfort I have now and continue a life without passion.

Conclusion? Don’t have one at this point. But I decided to keep myself away from conventional expectations, desire to control everything and sheepish thinking. In fact, I’ve been on this experiment for a while and am quite surprised that I’m capable of staying calm when I have no clue what to expect from something or someone. Uncertainty used to drive me crazy. This is why I search for answers to my curiosity about God, something or someone that cannot be understood by my narrow human brain, yet constantly brings warmth to my heart.

As I always believe, what will be will be. If this is what I’m meant to do, I’ll eventually find ways to make it happen. Fear will not govern my life, and being pessimistic is not the solution. NO!

pessimistic