Dislocation

Have been feeling dislocated in life for a long time. First, I thought it’s the geolocation – I’m not where I want to be. This is only true in some perspectives, as there are other places I rather be than here. My travel experience has taught me that life in general is not very different elsewhere. Things will get old and routines will make me feel desperate for change wherever I am.

Went to Costco for the first time today after being home in Taiwan. It made me feel at home and mentally dislocated at the same time. Intellectually, I know it is just a place many people go as part of the routines in their lives. Emotionally, flashbacks of the life I was tired of but miss dearly now, went through my head like a movie reel. At this time of my life, I am in need of reality check. There are things I emotionally can’t wait to jump into just to get out of this island, while my rationality tells me to be patient.

The question I keep asking myself is, what will give me a sense of belonging and satisfaction? I know now that materials, powers and social status do not fill my emptiness. As hard as I try to find my passion, nothing concrete seems to burn very long inside of me. Do we must have a purpose in life? Does everything need a reason? Is that how I’m programmed to think? Is there really something missing or is that what the society wants me to believe? Is there a cure for mental dislocation?

 

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3 comments on “Dislocation

  1. Rubella says:

    This post expresses how I feel in such a depth that when I was reading I had a hunch for where you were going sentence by sentence. A lot of your post have this affect on me because I feel the same way you do Annie. I have a thirst for travel but I ultimately know that I will get bored in one place for too long and at the same time I never belonged in that place anyway. Nothing burns inside of me long enough for me to make the flame bigger. Satisfaction guarenteed is no longer even in my vocabulary. Whenever I feel like I’m feeding my soul its almost as if someone put a hole at the bottom of my cup and it’s slowly dripping out never staying full for too long. Then society plays its part in our way of thinking, it’s been there since birth and it’s festered and festered until we don’t know what to believe anymore. Good to know that I’m not alone in how I feel, even from all the way around the world 🙂

  2. Good to know I have a company in this, as well. 🙂 Maybe this is why I do believe it’s true when some people say they feel they were born into the wrong bodies. When I was little, I thought God played a game with me. Maybe it’s a mental perspective. Yet, I am the only one to truly understand the dept of my struggles. If we ever meet in the real world some day, there must be so much for us to talk about. It always brightens up my heart to meet a new friend who shares something in common.

    • Rubella says:

      Annie I’m sure if we met in the real world we would talk each others heads off! Know that you have someone in the world that understands you, someway, somehow. I hope to be teaching english in South Korea next fall, hopefully on some time off I can swing by 🙂

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