In Love With the Idea?

I love trees! Hence, I enjoy being in the woods, nature and most outdoors activities. However, there were times when I could not wait to get back to the hustle and bustle in the city. A friend once jokingly suggested that I’m more in love with the idea of living in the country than the actual lifestyle. Maybe…

Yes, many projects of mine were left unfinished because I either got bored or lost interest. Before announcing my most recent goal to manage a country B&B some day, I went through my head over and over again what it would actually be like living the country. The housekeeping part of it does not appeal to me very much. However, I do take good care of my living environment and start to enjoy being home-bound more often as I get older. Then I envisioned myself driving on the country roads, and through the woods. What can I say? I was immediately sold to that image with my hands in the air. Yet I must say my friend’s suggestion provoked a lot of thoughts in my head. It seems harder for me to let go because I tend to hold on to the idea of situations. The idea of fear and failure, the idea of being alone, the idea of not having enough money to get by, the idea of…

How silly am I to feel blue for these ideas when they may not be reality? And most of the time, I find myself handling the reality of a presumed scenario better than expected. Then why all the doubts?

To be honest, it has been more challenging than I thought to organize a tour package for a business purpose.  And I have slacked and wondered whether this is going to work. Am I only in love with the idea, like many of my previous “flings”? The truth is, this idea is still more appealing than doing what I do now for the rest of my life. So what if I’m more in love with the idea than the reality of adventures? As far as I know, I’ve taken actions to try out most expeditions that came across my mind when I can. How can one achieve great things if he/she is not in love with his/her own ideas?

adventures

Wake Up Call

Had a wake up call moment last night. A sudden revelation of how I unconsciously repeat the same old pattern when it comes to people.  It felt like a thunder shot through my brain and enabled alerts to every fiber of my nerve. Complex emotions tumbled inside while I asked myself why I tend to choose similar roads that eventually lead to destruction. Frustrated, yet relieved to see things more clearly, I turned to my true love – country travels. Despite what feels like never-ending gloominess in my “real life,” my effort to put together a country tour package is gradually forming. There are positive news and little accomplishment every day that brings me closer to the finish line. And that is what keeps me going and motivated.

This time, I decide to listen to my intuition and continue to march forward. After all, true happiness comes from within. It is ok to smell the roses at times, but we should not to get distracted or carried away by their aroma and forget to be aware of their thorns.  Stay focused and happy!

Spontaneous Sunday Leisure

 

My Sunday started with multiple snoozes and being reluctant to get off bed, not knowing who to call or where to go. As I wandered around online replying some emails, a last minute text invite came in for an afternoon hike.  And that started a great Sunday experience for me. A revisit to the thousand-step waterfall, where a small rainbow welcomed our arrival. Some diving actions, floating, sunbathing, and chilling. The day ended at a reservoir with good food, snacks, great conversations accompanied by beautiful sunset.  Love how life brings unexpected sunshine to clear yesterday’s gloomy air. A Sun-day for sure!

Expectations

I’ve always struggled with Expectations, from others and myself. And I struggle to decide whether Expectations should be something important in life. There are quotes saying “No expectations, no disappointments.” There are also those that goes like this:

It seems obvious and logical that if one holds no expectation from his/herself, he/she is unlikely to be successful. After browsing more about Expectations, it seems the point is where it is placed and how we manage it. It is quite frustrating when I find myself forming expectations on people or events that already had a vicious pattern of failure in my history. Am I insane, so that I expect different results from similar experiences? Or am I addicted to what seems unreachable but exciting, even if I know I’m likely to get badly hurt? Wild expectations, wild disappointments? 

For some time, I lead a lifestyle of “No or Low Expectations.” And I found it to be quite un-motivating.  However, it did save me a lot of heartaches. Growing up with the value to fulfill expectations, it has become part of my gene to hope that my hard work will always pay off. The idea of giving without any expectation of reward has always been something I’d love to experience. I wonder if there’s a customized program that I install in my brain, so this expectation thing only merges on the purpose of pushing myself forward. But is it really possible to be expectation-free? What kind of society would that be?